Wednesday, August 16, 2017

The "three P's" that stunt grief recovery

(1) PERSONALIZATION: THE BELIEF THAT WE ARE AT FAULT FOR OUR LOSSES. The psychologist Martin Seligman identified this as a grief processing trap. With personalization, you blame yourself. You have to let that go. (2) PERVASIVENESS: THE BELIEF THAT AN EVENT WILL AFFECT ALL AREAS OF OUR LIVES. There is a lot that's gone wrong, but there are things that are still positive. Give yourself permission to notice and appreciate what is good. (3) PERMANENCE: THAT'S THE BELIEF THAT THE AFTERSHOCKS OF THE EVENT WILL LAST FOREVER. You really have to believe that this feeling will not last forever. Because grief is so overwhelming, even when people who have been through trauma and grief and loss tell you it will subside, you probably will not believe them. This is from Sheryl Sandberg's book Option B. Other healing advice from Sandberg is: MOVING BEYOND FEAR. Sanberg says she was much more nervous about things going wrong because of her recent loss. She feels that fear is really rooted in isolation. DON'T ISOLATE YOURSELF AFTER A TRAUMA. Sandberg's advice is to find ways to break the isolation. It was hard to tell people that she wanted to talk. She felt she was imposing sadness on them. Silence is one the most common things about grief, loss, and adversity. Isolation piles on top of the adversity or trauma because no one is talking about the experience. RESILIENCE IS A MUSCLE THAT EVERYONE CAN BUILD. After her loss, Sandberg feels she now has deeper relationships and more meaning in her life. This is growth. Psychologists say that happiness is found in the small things that we do. Small moments of joy that we hang on to start to add up in our minds. More advice from the book: MAKE NEW FRIENDS. It helps to build friendships and find ways to talk about your loss. SELF-COMPASSION. Treat yourself with the kindness you would a friend. JOURNALING. Writing for just a few minutes can help process emotions. NO GUILT. Death brings in all kinds of guilt. Remember guilt is a theft of joy. Death robs you of sense of security and sense of justice and happiness. You should take back whatever you can. The capacity of the human spirit to persevere needs to be acknowledged.

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