SELECTIVE COMPETENCE

Selective competence is,depending on the situation or environment, demonstrating different levels of intelligence, competence, memory or strength. When there are inconsistencies in someone's abilities that are chronic and destructive variations in competence have become dysfunctional. Especially when it is destructive toward self, family or friends. Sometimes this level of fluctuation appears strategic when it is beyond the normal coping with life's ups and downs. Selective competence often appears similar to laziness or hypocrisy and sometimes it actually is. WHAT SELECTIVE INCOMPETENCE LOOKS LIKE A man is a successful business manager at work but says he cannot successfully balance his personal checkbook. A woman can organize a wedding for 500 guests but claims she can't arrange a birthday party for her children. A man is an expert at fixing cars and motorbikes yet he cannot hold down a mechanics job. A teenage girl is habitually late for school but never misses the start of her favorite TV show. A co-worker selectively remembers facts and information which confirm a particular bias. When you are dealing with a person with a personality disorder, however, there are occasions when selective competence cannot be blamed on selfish behavior. EXAMPLES: A man will suddenly not allow himself to eat a food that usually loves because he believes it will make him sick. A girl has trouble remembering certain teenage years although her childhood is easily remembered. A woman is afraid to ride in green cars. Genuine selective competence is an example of dissociation. Dissociation is when a person's feelings about a particular task take precedence over any scientific truth they may know to logically apply to the situation. HOW IT FEELS The most common reaction for a person close to these individuals is frustration, anger and accusations of fraud. Family members and friends may be tired of making excuses for a person who appears to be capable of dealing with reality, yet now seems to be choosing not to. HOW TO COPE Personality disorders are real mental disorders. If a person is dissociating and believing things that are known not to be true, it may be tempting to "talk some sense into them", argue with them or try to debate with them. If this crosses over to what is considered Thought Policing or Mind Control, this is not a healthy situation. The individual with selective competence will not respond well to being told what to believe. If he/she is trying to be convinced what is know to be true isn't, the person will become defense, scared or annoyed. Family members and friends need to keep in mind, their loved one has feelings and does not need to be controlled by them. At the same time, no one is under obligation to take responsibility for anything another adult can be expected to do for themselves. This is especially true when the individual has shown that they can at other times. OUT OF THE FOG