Friday, September 25, 2015
Songs of life
Some people with mental illness say they can relate to different songs. They may be sad, upbeat or even inspirational. Of course, mental health professionals suggest not to listen to songs they deem depressing. But what if they are the ones that fit your life at the time the most? I have gone through "phases" with different ones. To some they may be considered sad, but for me they suited the emotions I was feeling. In my early twenties, I was not on any medicine. I did not know about bipolar yet. Even though I pushed my friends away, I felt I was destined to be alone. I agreed with White Snakes' "Here I Go Again". "Here I go again on my own 'Goin down the only road I've ever know Like a drifter I was born to walk alone." As time went on, I would have periods of feeling as I was not really there. I felt I was on the outside looking in. The medical term is depersonalization. U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" became my anthem. Over the next years, I had highs and lows. Knowing I had bipolar, I started medication. It was not the right combination to stop the extreme sadness. That is when I started listing to the Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris" over and over again. "And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand when everything's meant to be broken I just want you to know who I am." Especially, "When everything feels like the movies Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive." To my relief, I am now on the right medicines. I am hoping my "blue" period with songs is over. I've try to listen to modern music. It makes me feel young again. Florence + The Machine says it best for me. "And I've been a fool and I've been blind I can never leave the past behind." - "And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back. So shake him off".