Helping Someone: 2 Elements of Good Listening

1) VALIDATION AND ACCEPTANCE Good listening is more than just hearing a person's words or seeing their actions. You must also tell them that their pain makes sense and is valid. This means that they have the right to feel as they do. Many, if not most, people in their circumstances would feel the same way. This validates their experience. You are accepting them as their are, with their pain and all. This is usually soothing because this can help them accept themselves and their experiences. Such validation, for those who tend to be highly self-critical, can help them to stop aggravating their pain by beating themselves up. 2) NEW PERSPECTIVE You will always be seeing someone else's situation at least somewhat from an outside perspective because you can never fully relate to their experiences. It is a good thing as long as they see you basically get what they feel. It enables you to offer new ideas and a different perspective. Also, possibly it suggests some good that they cannot see. The person may be more open to these new perspectives if they feel you understand and care.