Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Accepting the Highs and the Lows
Remember the expression what goes up, must come down? Well that is certainly true of bipolar. With my medicine, I don't have the big difference in moods many have. But, I still can tell a difference. In summertime, I get about 4 good days a week. Many major chores get done. Small projects can be finished or at least started. Then right when things are going smoothly, it feels as if the bottom fell out. I don't become extremely depressed. It's more like a general sad feeling. That I could handle by itself. Along with the sadness, is exhaustion. It feels like an extreme case of mono. My whole body just shuts down. The first day, I stay in bed. I sleep around the clock. I am able to eat meals and take medicine. Even with a taking a vitamin, I can not rid myself of the tiredness. The next couple of days, I can stay awake longer. I still have that worn out feeling. Going anywhere is out of the question. Slowly, the fog starts to left. I can sit up longer. Then one night, I get more energy. I know I am cycling up. The next day is a good one again. Summer is better than winter. Winter does bring on mild depression. The anxiety worsens. After all the years, I still find myself discouraged. I kept telling myself with a couple of more good days, I could finally finish everything. No more falling behind. Maybe, I could even get ahead of things for once. I know this will not happen. I know how this works. I know I will always have the good and bad days. What I have not learned in all this time, probably the most important lesson, is ACCEPTANCE. Without this, I will always be disappointed with expectations of myself. Instead of coming to terms with an illness that will set limitations on how I live my life.