Allen Sherman Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter From Camp)

Hello Muddah, hello Fadduh, Here I am at Camp Grenada.  Camp is very entertaining and they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.  I went hiking with Joe Spivy.  He developed poison ivy.  You remember Leonard Skinner?  You got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.  All the counselors hate the waiters.  And the lake has alligators.  And the head coach wants no sissies, so he reads to us from something called Ulysses.  Now I don't want this should scare ya, but my bunkmate has malaria. You remember Jeffrey Hardy?  They're about to organize a search party.  Take me home, oh muddah, fadduh, take me home.  I hate Grenada.  Don't leave me out in the forest where I might get eaten by a bear.  Take me home.  I promise I will not make noise or mess the house with other boys, oh please don't make me stay.  I'VE BEEN HERE ONE WHOLE DAY.  Dearest fadduh, oh darling muddah, How's my precious little bruddah?  Let me come home if ya miss me.  I will even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.  Wait a minute, it's stopped hailing.  Guys are swimming.  Guys are sailing.  Playing baseball.  Gee that's better.  Madduh    Fadduh, DISREGARD THIS LETTER.