Monday, November 3, 2014

Returning back to "ME"

It happened.  After 4 or 5 years of being balanced.  More good days than bad.  The symptoms slowly started to show their ugly heads.  I kept thinking okay stressful time.  Then one stressful time led to another and another.  Until, I could not leave the house.  I was in a panic over going certain places.  Sleep was becoming impossible.  Then there was no denying it.  The black hole came.  So tired and depressed doing simple things were extremely hard. Most chores just forgotten.  Everything started to pile up.  Waited for the Dr.'s appointment seemed like years had passed by. I have only seen this Dr. twice and really had not formed an opinion.  I loved my last one. I had been his patient for 6 years.  I trusted his judgment and really wished he would be treating me.  My new Dr. doubled 2 of my meds.  He switched one to day, where I had been taking it at night. He had not heard of anyone who become drowsy from it.  This contradicted what my beloved first Dr. had said. I had took this medicine for years at night. Not wanting to disagree with this new Dr., I thought I'd try it his way. The past weeks have felt like I have started over.  Getting used to the new dosage and time has been difficult.  The drowsiness will not go away.  I am sleepy when I wake up from the pill I take right before bed.  I have coffee and eat. I take the pills that were switched around and increased. Then it's back to bed.  I actually see a couple hours of daylight when I wake up from that sleep. Those few hours are not enough to get caught up with everything that has fallen behind.  Bedtime comes more medicine and I start the cycle again.  I feel frustrated and defeated.  Deciding this will not due, on my own I have switched the routine. One pill in the morning.  Two at night with the bedtime pill.  I'm groggy for a little while.  Nothing like before. At least if I have to, I can take a smaller nap.  It leaves me with more time.  Now if only more of my symptoms would go away.  Like I said I feel like I do in the beginning of being diagnosed.  I guess I was being unrealistic, because I thought I would feel better much sooner then I have. I thought having some amount of these pills in my system would make a difference in the amount of time for recovery. Not so.  Patience is not one of my best qualities, but I have no choice.  Hopefully soon, the real "ME" will appear.. 

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